he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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