Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
