There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
