So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
