also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
