new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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