No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
