Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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