Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
