I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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