i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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