I smell stomach acid.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
