Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she pinky promised me she was 18
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
