Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
