Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
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No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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