3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
