Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
