I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
