I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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