I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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