Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
