His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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