Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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