I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
