if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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