ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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