my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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