so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
