wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
