"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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