he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
