To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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