She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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