I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
