I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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