she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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