The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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