well you can't waste a boner
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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