Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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