even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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