I just saw a hot homeless man
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
