we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
