she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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