He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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