we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
