Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
