i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
