OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
