I am puke
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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