You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
