i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
