she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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