pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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