Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
