Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
