Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
