Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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