I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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