I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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