I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
