i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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