It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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