Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
