It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
