I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
