My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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