Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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