She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
