you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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