Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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