She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i dont even know how to be here
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
