so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
