So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
