not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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