First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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