In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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