Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
this will be a night to untag.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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