I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
