every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
