I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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