I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
