If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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